... of bitterness and stoicism

... of bitterness and stoicism

" a life without love is no life at all!!"
-leonardo da vinci (ever after)-

EVER AFTER is my all time favorite movie and for some weird reason, i felt like watching it all over again for the nth time. there are times when you feel like you need to watch a film just "because" .. and then there are times when you feel like watching a film because you want to be reminded of certain things.

truth be told, i don't believe in love anymore. Karen Carpenter was right when she said (or, better yet, sang) that "love is just a game that children play". it's a known fact that nothing lasts forever and love is no exemption. i believe that love has to come to an end one way or another. it was then that i finally realized that i have become the anti-thesis of my own past. the hopeless romantic kid that i used to be seemed hopeless still but romantic no more.

i have become stoic. it's been quite a while since i last felt, well, anything. i laugh but i barely cry. i don't know why but it seems like my tear ducts had run dry. i have embraced stoicism without having any second thoughts. and i felt freer than i ever was before.

i felt like i was living in utopia. i was following the norms and living up to the creed. i didn't care much about others and didn't care if people cared about me. i have become more of a realist an not, in any way, an idealist. i was on my own but i never felt alone. and as time passed by, i have learned to numb my soul.

with the way i was living my life, i was better off dead. that is exactly why i wanted to watch EVER AFTER because i need to be reminded of what love truly is. i needed to reaffirm my faith and believe something that once seemed true. i have to escape from the bottomless pit where i threw myself in head first and believe that something good can come out of the same thing i fear most...